you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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