I love black thongs
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
we're so committed to being not committed
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