sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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