just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
