I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
