You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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