Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
