my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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