too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
