What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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