TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm bleeding and have questions
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize