I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
