Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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