I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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