My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
