Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize