is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
