Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
