Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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