i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
