Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
