What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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