Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
