I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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