You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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