Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize