We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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