you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
