oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You've changed since you got that strap on
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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