i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It's rum buckets o'clock
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
