My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
the liver wants what the liver wants
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
