how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
