i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
