Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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