There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
