I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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