i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize