I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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