Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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