i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
