last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
