no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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