ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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