Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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