this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
