"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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