I think I won the penis lottery.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
