Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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