Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
