I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
