I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
