I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
