grandma shit on top of the toilet
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
