I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
