No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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