saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Are my feet made of real feet?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
