I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
