Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
