Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
