The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
