Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
