I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
