at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
