I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
