i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
