Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
