I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Text me some of your sweat
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
