I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Can you bring me the toilet please
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
