Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
