i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My life is pants optional.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
