either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize