We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
