If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
