Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
