My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
