Got a toothbrush?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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