how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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