i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
My pussy is not your playground.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
