in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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