I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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