Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I wish they made helmets for livers.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
