I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
