barbara walters just said penis...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My breasts were aching with rage.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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