I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I think a kid would responsible me up
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
