I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
