I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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