Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
