And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i will never coherently bang her
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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