Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
