Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
