Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
