I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
