rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
