Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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