Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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