did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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