I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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